Everyone has something in their life that "tortures" their soul. Sorry to be blunt about it but in my experience there has been certain things in my life that captured, suffocated, and blackened my soul. It's sad to even write that because it seems so deep and painful but another thing that it is, is TRUE.
People don't always talk about their shit which is one reason why people have so much shit. We can never just talk about it openly. Most feel that they need to hide what causes them pain so they aren't being a "downer" or bringing down the mood for someone else. Hiding our feelings and not sharing with someone that you trust can really damage you.
There's a difference between just being straight out negative and sharing your feelings with someone. No one wants to be around a "negative nancy" BUT people do want to support someone who is being vulnerable and sharing what's going on with them from the heart.
So you may be wondering what is the #1 way to heal from anything?
DON'T BE AFRAID TO GET THE SUPPORT THAT YOU NEED TO FREE YOURSELF.
If you are living with something that is constantly heavy on your heart and deep in your mind- don't deny the support that is out there.
I share this with you because if I didn't get the support that I needed I would never be where I'm at today. AND the support that I need in my life will ever be changing- in all walks of my life I I've needed different types of support so I make sure to get it. (This is something I learned over time, it didn't come natural)
BUT you get to be a YES.
If you block your resources it will be SO MUCH MORE CHALLENGING to ever heal from your "demons." There are massive amounts of excuses and I totally get it. BUT by not taking on the resources that will whole heartedly support you, you are basically giving yourself the middle finger.
If you're life is suffering wouldn't you do anything to get the help that you need to create peace in your life?
I know it can be scary to be a YES to get support. To ask for help. I know. AND that's okay. Nothing says that you can't be scared AND get support.
If your life isn't working for you now, might as well take a risk by getting the support you need and see what happens.
I understand you. I feel for you. I know, I know, I know x 1000000.
You get to be an advocate for yourself and be the one who decides to change your life.