Okay so last night I definitely ate too many sweets ....I went to bed feeling full and upset with myself because I wasn't paying attention to my intuition and was mindlessly eating ...I was really beating myself up and started to feel overwhelmed. I even started getting that negative self talk ..I was not being kind to myself. The voices in my head were getting loud. I felt like I had come so far and in one night it was as if my whole energy, my mindset; all shifted. So as all of this was happening I took a step back. I stepped outside of my body and became the observer....
I was thinking wow, how could I feel one way just hours before and then feel completely opposite just hours later. To me it was just so silly. That one night of over eating some sweets I could get so down on myself. I felt as if I threw everything away. I wasn't using my intuitive eating skills as I had been so I felt like a failure. I felt like since I couldn't "pass the test" on a holiday then I failed myself, I was unworthy. For a minute I hated my body, I hated how I felt, and I swear I felt like when I looked in the mirror I looked as if i gained 20 pounds. Wow Lauren really? You gained 20lbs in a couple hours, you hate yourself, and your a failure? So ridiculous! Right?!
I turned it into a lesson. Since I strive for balance every single day I think it was perfect that I fell out of balance for a night. I remembered how it felt to fell this way. How I was so mean to myself, how crazy it was to be in that state. It was great that I could feel what I use to feel and then be able to know how it feels when I'm back in balance. You must know the extremes to know balance. Although I truly didn't feel great I always like to turn situations into a lesson. My lesson is that my life will not always be balanced 24/7 there will be times when it's up and down. There will be times when things aren't going exactly the way I want them to. It's not like I will never ever be overly full again. It's not like I will always completely love myself 100%. It's not like I'll always be 100% present and on my intuitive eating game. I am human. We are human. We grow, we learn, we heal, we go through upsets, we survive. There is a lesson in EVERYTHING if you truly listen.
It was so interesting for me to feel worthy, loved, beautiful, enough, happy etc when I felt balanced. But when I over ate last night I all of a sudden became, unworthy, unloved, "fat", unhappy.. The mind is powerful. I chose to tell the loud voices, "thank you for sharing but I am still loved, worthy, beautiful, and enough no matter what I put in my body." I was kind to myself. I chose to shut down my ego and listen to my truth. My ego was even telling me how on earth can you teach body love, intuitive eating, balance, etc to everyone if you can't even do it yourself. As I said before because I am experiencing that same kind of issues others are going through that's where I hold power. I hold the power of being relatable. I can help others by going through the experience.
This morning I woke up and told myself I am going to make decisions that will make me feel good. I didn't tell myself you are so gross you don't deserve to eat after last night. I didn't wake up and force myself to workout like crazy to "make-up" for last night. All I said was I am going to make decisions based on feeling good. I had my healthy breakfast shake that I love, I took my vitamins, and I drank my chai tea with aloe. Later when my body is ready I'm going to talk a nice walk/ jog with Chai to move my body.
I want to love on my body today. Not restrict food today, workout until exhaustion just to burn calories. I want to honor my body. Treat it with care and kindness. I am not wrong for over eating on a holiday. I want to focus on how much love I was surrounded by. I had such an amazing day with family and friends. There was food, fun, laughter, and pure enjoyment. My family has been through so much with the recent tragic passing of my sweet Grandma; we still were all able to come together and love each other through the pain.
Food is love, family is love. I forgive myself. Hope you can too <3 Lesson learned. We are all loved, worthy, and enough!
With Love, Lauren
2015 Copyright Lauren McAulay